Life always gives you the best source material. So here we go, the guide to how to rip your pants and come out of it with James Bond level smoothness.
Backstory: Let's set the stage, me and my girlfriend were headed to a friends wedding on Saturday. We drove down from Charlotte and before the wedding visited my parents. When our visit was done, we walked out to the car my mother stopped me and declared to my horror that my suit trousers had ripped down the entire back. It was 5:15, and the wedding started at six, what was I to do?
Not wanting to miss the reception(the open bar, gourmet dinner I had driven an hour for, and the friends and family attending) I started the hunt for some replacement pants at a J. Crew Mercantile, Stein Mart and Banana Republic, then finally ending up at Belk, finally finding some white pants at Belk that would do the job.
What to do: The first massive mistake three out of the four retail associates tried to do was match some navy pants to my suit. In their defense, they were trying to help, but never under any circumstances go this route. Attempting this will never work out and will look ultra tacky. Instead, if you are wearing a navy suit as I was, go for some tan, gray, or white(Spring/Summer only) dress pants in a similar fabric to the suit.
Wearing a gray or Khaki suit? Navy pants all the way.
Black suit: gray pants.
In the end, I made it to the wedding reception with a great ice breaker story, and an outfit that still landed multiple complements. Sadly though the suit pants are ruined and my favorite suit of two years will now be laid to rest. Below you can see the carnage that once was my (too) slim navy suit from J. Lindeburg.